Challenging my identity. (Moving to London)
So! If we’re not friends on Twitter or Instagram – or you know, we just talk IRL – then you probably wouldn’t know that I moved to London over the August Bank Holiday!
Why? Because I chose to.
That’s literally it.
I moved quite a bit as a child but somehow, over the span of five years Southampton (UK) had become a safe haven for me.
Yes, it provided many many challenges – pretty much of all of which I went looking for – yet it was still my safe place. It’s where I have some of my fondest memories – I was going to write growing up, but I mean that I learned lessons, not that I physically grew a bit taller. Although if you count the fact I stand a bit taller, maybe that works!? I dunno.
Of course, as a student – and particularly one who did a year abroad – you tend to move around every year so I’d just been in my most recent flat for just over a year. Yet because of everything I had been through and experienced in this last year, it felt much longer somehow.
Five years of photos, books, clothes and memories all in one room.
So maybe that’s why leaving here felt the strangest of all the ones I’d been in so far.
Which is hilarious, because I spent most of my time in it wishing I was elsewhere.
The last evening I took two big full bags of ‘stuff’ down to the charity shops and leaving them behind, I felt so much lighter. It was like releasing ‘the old me’. I felt myself walking with more purpose and confidence down the street.
On the Friday we bundled absolutely everything into my mum’s tiny car and somehow it all fit!
I had one last look around, left the key on the desk and shut the door.
Time to move on!
We celebrated that day with a pub lunch back in Surrey. I couldn’t quite believe it, but it definitely felt like the right time for the next move. Next chapter.
On the Saturday we put everything into the corner of a room, put my suitcase and a couple of other bits back into the car and took off for London.
The butterflies really began to sink in.
Once in Clapham and goodbyes said, I sat down for a couple of minutes. Shell-shocked.
I was here!
I couldn’t decide if I wanted a nap or to explore… I went exploring. It was almost amusing trying to get my brain to slow down and relax for a bit. Over the last week I’ve come to love Clapham for its little trinket shops and random finds.
Only problem I’ve had is the overground. While wonderful in concept, it is so slow! Being on it with hops/drug smelling carnival goers was an, ahem, experience as well. I had to stifle a giggle when I got on one particularly poignant carriage and could hear reggae being played somewhere further down. Bit cliche!?
Maybe it’s because I don’t have an official place or official job lined up for next month, but I don’t quite feel like a Londoner yet.
I can navigate the tube from memory and look very bored when on it, but I still feel a bit too fresh.
It’s definitely been challenging. Not shutting myself away, enjoying the present and being ok with the fact that it’s ok to feel vulnerable.
I had the inevitable ‘oh my god I’ve uprooted my life and now I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing and have no safety net crap bugger fuck I want to go back to safety’ cry. (You know the one I mean 😉 ). In the middle of a beauty session and then in the middle of the cafe as well. But I knew it was going to happen, I’m glad it did so now upward and onward with action!
It has actually been an incredible first week!
I’m glad I took the leap because at least I am in action. I’m moving forward. I can write, explore, transform and inspire.
I just need to keep opening myself up to possibilities and go for anything I want to. A voice in my head keeps saying: don’t do it! You haven’t got enough money. Bla bla.
But it’s time to ignore it, because there is kind of no other plan.
I’ve got so used to not letting myself be happy that letting myself be fully happy with no consequences is almost scary. It certainly makes for an interesting internal battle. Like the cartoon angel and devil are sat on my shoulders!
I’ve decided my goals for this week are:
- Write a business plan for Thursday and if I haven’t told you by then: please feel free to hound me!
- Make progress on job applications and interviews!
- Go crazy on the marketing of my Southampton event – which you’re invited to – on Friday 16th September at Mettricks Guildhall!
*There will be others, but right now they’re the most important.
Time to dive into the unknown! Will you join me?
What thing would you like most to do this week? Ok, now do it!
I dare you!
*My new desk?