Why I am scared of living my dream! (And 4 ways I'm dealing with it).

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Oct 12

Yes, you read correctly! Living my dream is bloody terrifying! It's tough and it means pushing myself in ways I've never pushed before.

If I woke up and didn't want to do something, I used to say to myself we'll try again tomorrow/after work/when I felt more in the mood/after X, Y and Z on the to-do list, etc.

Now, I've caught it out, and there's no excuse for me to hide from.

I am terrified of you, dearest reader, finding out who I am! Being vulnerable. It's taken about ten attempts of opening this tab up just to get myself writing... "Oo there's an email!" "Oo I need lunch!" "Oo I forgot to read that article!"

I have even been doing it in normal life too. Examples like, "I won't need make up today". Two hours later: "urgh I should have brought make up, my Snapchat selfies don't look fresh!"

(Add me: hanmeetsworld!)

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I am not used to sharing the real me. Sure I'm expressive - see above weird pic - but self-expression is still a new concept for me. I have to sometimes look over tweets, posts and photos to realise that I haven't actually been interpersonal at all in my translation.

I have made some pretty sizeable changes to my life which on one hand is very super exciting, but it also freaks me out every so often. Like having to literally choose enthusiastic thoughts over the instant dread that I wake up with sometimes.

However!

I am getting through, and it's funny because once you push yourself in one way a couple of times, the unreasonable becomes reasonable and you don't think twice about doing it again.

Here are my ways for making it through the funk:

People. Whether that's socialising, working in a loud cafe or catching up with somebody, I am making a conscious effort to keep people in my life. I don't know about you, but when I'm stressed: I retreat. As far away from people as possible because I don't want them to see that 'I am a failure'. I now make a conscious effort to have fun, to meet up with friends and go out make new ones and new connections, because it is these encounters we will remember, not the late nights and coffee overdoings. Expression. The reason I put this under people is because conversation, asking questions and discussion are great to have with (wait for it) people! I am an extrovert and I get over my negative thoughts by communicating them externally, whether that's a question for someone or writing it down: get it out there and don't stew! Once you've let go of it you typically see the thought much clearer for what it is.
Exercise. For a while I convinced myself I was 'too busy' for exercise. This. Is. A. Lie! But then I switched it to: 45 minutes of endorphin release and bikini bod for my trip to Dubai in January?! Yass please! I have found that once I got busy (ehhh) physically, I got more productive mentally. Because life is just that much nicer when your heart doesn't feel like it's going to jump out of your chest, right?! I'm not going to lie -especially with the colder weather - I do sometimes wonder whether I really go for the gains in class or the awesome gym shower... But as long as I leave happier, that's all that matters. Check out my gym here.
Diet. Because exercise and diet go hand in hand. Quite simply you cannot feel good and properly energised without eating well. A couple of my cravings switch ups are: milk chocolate for green tea or dark chocolate, and coffee for a matcha latte with soya milk (to make it taste a bit sweeter).
Me time. Kind of contradictory to the first statement, but it's true. Just like 'Ivanka' pictured below, scheduling fun or me time into your day is important! Whether that's retail therapy, yoga or an episode of your favourite TV show - personally I go for Friends - you need a bit of time to switch off and relax.

*Via tumblr